You are finally dating that single met on Meetic and find out that he is separated or divorced. What to do? Do not panic, it is not necessary not to see it anymore, you just have to get some information from it before your knowledge becomes deeper …
Forgetting an ex is never easy and when it comes to an ex spouse, the question is more delicate: the thought that he / she is married once already makes you crazy, even if you know that by now the story between them is concluded. Right, finished. But who left whom? The thing you are most interested in knowing before dating a separated or divorced person is the reason for the breakup and who ended it all. Has the person you’re dating been cheated on or cheated on? Did he want children and did they break up because he didn’t feel ready? Did love end before the breakup or did it die after? How important was sex in all of this?
Admit it: these are questions that greatly affect your current relationship, the way you see him / her, your opinion. Asking for information about your ex makes you discover fundamental elements about the person you see yourself with, as a result. Therefore: investigate!
Once you find out who put an end to the story, why, when and how, process all the information you have and sum it up: didn’t you like what you discovered? Consider whether to keep seeing each other. Does what you learned fit you? Accept his past. Which is one of the hardest things to do as a couple. And if there are children involved, because you are seeing someone who has children, it is even more delicate, but not impossible.
If you are good together, and you want to carry on the story even with all the difficulties of the case, accept his past, which can be made up of ex-petulants, children in shared foster care, disputed pets, rented houses or former families. intrusive. Find a balance, remember that you are together because you have feelings, and respect his past. And there will be no past that holds.
Hot topic, that of trauma. To say NO! to stories that end before they even begin, remember: no one heals anyone, you are not his / her social worker, nor the psychologist / a and if you are with someone, you have to give and receive.
If you are dating a separated person who has been traumatized by an ex who cheated on him, if he has only had tormented stories, if he is obsessed with some behavior (absolutely normal) that has marked him / her in life … continue to see him / her but do not think you can / to save him. Instead, try to save your knowledge by recommending someone to help out …
The Red Cross syndrome (applicable to women as well as men), which leads you to want to cure someone at all costs, has been and many can testify that it does not pay, indeed! People heal themselves (or with the help of a specialist) but above all not thanks to the partner (who risks falling into the black hole of the other’s trauma).
Another fundamental step to take when dating someone separated or divorced: make sure that the ex is really just a memory, maybe good or bad, but just a memory. It is not so obvious: a former spouse is still someone with whom you had decided to spend the rest of your life together, someone who has become part of the family, someone very important.
You don’t have to compete, you just have to make sure that you become another (better) part of the life of the person you see yourself with.
Such as? First of all, make sure that there is no longer any feeling that goes too far, such as love, resentment, anger, hatred, attraction, because a real ex is the one who no longer has any kind of effect, who no longer excites, who does not make the heart more than a pack from Zalando or a goal from Roma.
It depends on the reason: if they broke up because love ended on both sides, you can sleep peacefully. If they’ve stayed in touch because they have to because of the kids, make sure that’s the reason alone. If instead they still feel because no one knows me as well as she / he, run away!
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together: love is born and ends when the… Read the article »