At this point, everyone knows about online dating. If you’ve never tried it, many of your friends probably have. I have used it again in my single days and found it very effective in reaching the many people I might not have otherwise been able to contact or interact with.
However, many people are not using online dating for their best benefit. One of my last female clients only had two pictures, and both of them were professional shots. This is a big red flag for men. It is suggested that this is the best she could look, and, in fact, she might be a lot less attractive. Furthermore, it is reported that she has no friends, does nothing, and is not active. It doesn’t necessarily mean any of these things, but that’s the perception it can give. And online dating is all perception in the beginning.
For people who are dabbling in the virtual dating world, I have compiled a list of tips to help in any way I can. Now, remember, counseling is not the same for everyone. What works for one may not work for another, so experiment and find out what works best for you.
Growing up, my mother to teach etiquette lessons, so I grew up knowing which fork to use when, how to be chivalrous, and the best way to communicate your ideas. While I may have rolled my eyes on this as a teenager (who didn’t ?!), it’s so nice to be able to have a good foundation in etiquette and manners. This doesn’t mean I use them all the time, but at least I know what they are. Online dating, like anything else, has some etiquette rules everyone should follow.
It always amazes me how willingly people disguise who they are online. I’m not talking about anonymous trolls – I’m talking about how you represent yourself. Listen, I have no problem if you want to add 1 inch or subtract five pounds. This is called a white lie.
But, if the profiles I’ve read are any indication, they all seem to be “a world-class traveler who is happy to relax at home on a Friday or hit the city, loves exploring ethnic restaurants, and enjoys outdoor activities like hiking, kayak, or bike “. And then when you go out on a date, they would prefer Netflix and chill, or enjoy sleeping on a Saturday and hanging out eating pizza.
All of these choices are OK. It’s just that you don’t want to misrepresent yourself. We’re all saying these things because we think that’s what others want to hear, but the more they disguise themselves, the less chance you have of finding someone who is totally into who you are into. Author Laura Zinn opines, and I agree, “be exactly who you are, even if it means you’ll have refused.”, That is, until the person who loves all of you comes along!
I know this election, in particular, has been extremely divisive, but this is not the time to start sharing your views on politics or other possibly fiery topics. I have friends who are across the spectrum. We just avoid these topics because we are adults and enjoy our friendship.
If you draw a position that is different from your right off the bat, you could completely discount the person. However, if you’ve spent some time getting to know them and they’ve built a foundation of mutual respect and hopefully interest, then you can start sharing more controversial topics.
On every subject that exists, I have some friends on one side and some on the other.